I made a mistake and as much as I would love to turn back the hands of time and "unwrite it"...
My brain keeps telling me:
"You can't unwrite your mistake, you goofed, admit it and move on... Or just use it to teach something in today's email"
Solid advice and I'm heeding it
So while it's true you can't "unwrite" an email that's already been read by several thousands of folks who look forward to reading your stuff everyday at 10:00am...
It's possible to at least... make something good out of this situation
Turn lemon to lemonade, that sort of thing
And on that basis...
Let's see if there's something I can teach you here:
First, I'll show you my mistake...
Then, I'll show you how I would have corrected it (if I had the opportunity)
So on February the 3rd, I sent you an email with subject line:
"... Baby One More Time"
I am reproducing the email (part of it) below for reference purposes
And as you read thru....
You'll see a section marked "My Mistake"
Once you've seen the mistake
I'll then show you how I would have corrected it
The email:
===
Andy, Her story begins on October 23, 1998
That was the day American pop star Britney Spears released her debut Album "... Baby One More Time"
Now, how does a debut album become an instant hit in an overcrowded, and very competitive market, with over 10 million copies sold ?
Not all the facts are in
But let's hear some of the original gist from the horse's mouth:
I had been in studio for about six months listening and recording material, but I hadn't really heard a hit yet. When I started working with Max Martin in Sweden, he played the demo for 'Baby One More Time' for me, and I knew from the start it [was one] of those songs you want to hear again and again. It just felt really right. I went into the studio and did my own thing with it, trying to give it a little more attitude than the demo. In 10 days, I never even saw Sweden. We were so busy.
—Spears talking to Chuck Taylor of Billboard.
3 things...
- Max Martin (Amazing producer/songwriter)
- Britney's Gut Feeling/Instincts (that Max was right on the money with the Demo for the hit single)
- And hard work!
Now, frankly speaking (This is me Transitioning into my pitch...)
You and I may never release a hit single
Talk more of a blockbuster album that sells over 10Million copies
And that's nothing to be ashamed of!
But if your goals include:
- Retiring early in your 30s or 40s
- Having a place/house to call your own
- Yearly vacations to any country of your choice
- And just being able to take care of your loved ones without flinching
Then I'm happy to help you get there
Using Copywriting, only Copywriting.
This is the main goal of my private coaching program
Yea, that one I priced at N400,000 ($1,000)
{My Mistake:}
The whole point of using the Britney Spears analogy was to show my reader the importance of....
1. having the right teacher/coach/guide in your corner...
2. knowing on a gut level that this person is just the kind of coach you need to achieve your desired goal(s)...
3. Hardwork
====
How I would have fixed it:
Now, instead of just transitioning headlong into my pitch
I should have said something to the effect of:
===
You and I may never release a hit single
Talk more of a blockbuster album that sells over 10Million copies
And that's nothing to be ashamed of!
But if your goals include:
- Retiring early in your 30s or 40s
- Having a place/house to call your own
- Yearly vacations to any country of your choice
- And just being able to take care of your loved ones without flinching
And you have a gut feeling you and I are a good fit for each other
And you're ready to listen, work hard... and do your part... while I do mine...
Then I'm happy to welcome you into my private coaching program.
**********
You may think there's not much of a difference
But there is...
The transition is smoother
And the uncomfortable truth is:
That seemingly insignificant slack in transition could be the very thing that makes your reader feel like:
"I don't get... how's this related to the main theme of your message?"
And once that feeling kicks in...
You're looking at a lost sale.
The lesson may seem ridiculously simple
But before you publish your ad, email, Social media content or sales page...
...you'd do well to look out for (and fix) areas in your message where your reader nay feel lost.
I think this email has served it's purpose
And as such...
I must now return to the underworld.
Bonjour.
A.
P.S: If you'd like to be part of my Copywriting class this February,
And you're not lazy beyond all hope
Feel free to join us here.